I just finished up 2 weeks of shooting content for my fourth book and it was super stressful. I had to be camera ready every day, with a smile and still try take care of my responsibilities as a wife and mom. I was burning the candle at both ends, while slowly unravelling from the go, go pace of it all.
The day before we wrapped was my husband’s birthday and I had a mini melt down. I was afraid that I would have nothing of value to offer when I started to write the book. I was petrified and I took it out on him. And we had a massive fight on his birthday. I know, so bad.
I felt awful and I just wanted to call my parents. But I couldn’t. Cause heaven doesn’t have phone line. I know they watch over me, but I wanted to hear their voice. And most days I can keep it all together, but I couldn’t. I just broke down.
I knew I had screwed up, and made a horrible mess of things. I knew I had gotten it all wrong. And I just wished I could call them for their advice and the assurance that it will all be okay. I just want to hear them tell me that they are proud of me and that I have got this.
That am I strong, and brave and I can overcome any obstacles on my path. That mistakes and falls happen and that I am enough. That the doubt I feel is totally normal and that everything is happening as it should be.
I wanted to share this with you so you can see that guilt, pain, regret and shame are normal emotions. But in order to move past them, you will need to say sorry, ask for forgives and take responsibility for your actions. And then you’ll need to forgive yourself and recognize the lessons in these dark hours.
Today I am about to start writing book 4 and my parents and Hashem are with me as I type. I know the words will flow and my pen will carry m truth to the page. I am writing this for them and you and I want to remind you that we are never walking alone. Thanks for being in my life xxx Chef MM